Confessions of a chubster

Hi there! It’s been awhile… I know I’m sorry. Honestly, I didn't know anyone missed me until I got some crap for not keeping this up. So I’m back. I haven’t really been baking a whole lot these days. So sad I know. Long story short, I’m old and I hurt my neck. I never really thought I was all that active of a person but when you go from normal to barely moving for an extended period of time a few things happen. First, baking seems like way too much of a contact sport for your liking. Secondly, your arse starts to expand at a frightful pace- the mere thought of sweets causes you to swell unexpectedly. Thirdly, after pain meds and a little wine working that mixer and oven can cause bodily harm.  So anyways… no cake balls but I’d like to think my sarcasm and charming wit are mostly still intact so I might just have to focus on that for a while. Hope that’s ok…

Back to the whole not doing much for the last ohhh 4 months or so. I don’t know if you know this or not but its officially swim suit season. I am finding it extremely hard to get excited about it this year. I haven’t been doing anything more than getting up from the couch to grab a snack due to above mentioned injury and amazingly I’ve been able to keep the scale about the same but holy ballz… it’s just not the same. So in true Melissa fashion I’ve decided it is time to take drastic action. Granted it might only last a couple days, but I have to hit it hard while motivation is high so when I go back to eating bon-bons like it’s my job I’ll have a couple extra days before I move back to the fat pants. Drastic action 1: Sign up for a 5k…my thinking was that will get me running again. Good call. So in real life I ran 2 days last week  and now I feel guilty every day when my alarm goes off and I roll over to hit snooze because my neck hurts too bad to run. I’m not as tough as I used to be that’s for sure! If only good intentions burned some fat off this arse, I’d be so good to go. Drastic action 2: started a “diet” on a Tuesday. I’m a Monday girl. As in every Monday. And normally it only lasts until Tuesday or Wednesday before that ol’ Orange leaf is calling my name. Thankfully for the holiday this week… I might just make it to Thursday!!  Drastic action 3: drink liquid a-hole…ok not really. According to Dr. Oz drinking a few tablespoons of apple cider vinegar is supposed to help rev up your metabolism. I need to seriously stop watching that show…he is to the supplement/ vitamin market what Flava Flav is to oversized accessories. Turns out that once you manage to choke that sweet liquid A down – the after taste and churning in your stomach make food a whole lot less desirable- I’m gonna stick with it a few more days… this could work.  Drastic action 4: I’ve been trying to work from home less. What I’ve learned about working from home is that a lot of time snacking seems like way more fun than almost everything work related. So if I get stuck on something I’m like a few crackers will definitely help me figure that out. You know what they say…once you pop… you can’t stop.  The added upside of going to work for my diet plan is that because I have publicly stated laws of what not to wear to work I can’t wear my pajama bottoms or stretchy gym shorts.  Drastic action 5: tried on a pair of pants that I wore for one day when I was a skinny minny. Oh.yes.I.did! This may not be advisable for everyone depending on your mental status. But I needed a reality check. They fit mostly. By fit, I mean I got them buttoned and zipped. And by mostly, I mean I didn’t have to jump off the 4^th floor of the parking garage to get into them. Would I wear them in public? Hail to the no. That would be in violation of at least 3 of my fashion conduct rules.

Well I’m off to go attempt to run… I’ll keep you updated on my 5k progress, showstoppa in swimsuit status, and probably a few other life observations. =)