Today we are going to take a detour and do a public service
announcement. I have some younger and not so younger friends who have asked me
advice on getting the life/ relationships/ status etc that they want. Why do
they ask me? I have no effin clue honestly. It might be because they know I’ll
tell them my honest opinion. This old girl won’t sugar coat that shiz. Oh well,
they asked so here it goes.
I’ll start off by saying – these are my friends and I only
want the very best for them in every area of their life. I’m no expert- but I have
done a lot of stupid and crazy shiz in my day and messed my life up like a soup
sammie on numerous occasions, been screwed over by a bunch of people, and
learned a lot of tough lessons but have somehow managed to get the train on the
tracks and am now headed full steam ahead to AwesomeTown. Pretty much what I’m about
to say is what I wish I could have told my twenty something self.
#1) Give yourself a promotion to CEO of your own life.
Quit
waiting around for everybody else to make your ass happy or this or that or
whatever. That shiz ain’t never gonna
happen. This isn’t a Disney movie. Decide
what you want, make a plan, stick to the plan-MAKE IT HAPPEN. The only thing
that grows on trees is leaves and fruit so if there is something else you want
go to work. My own example of this is
pathetic but I’ll share. I find personal finances somewhat overwhelming. I can
spend the hell out of some money but retirement blahblahblhab and all that
stuff EEEks! So after a major sh!tstorm hit my life for about 6 months straight
(breakup, apartment fiasco, car broke down, got sued) I realized that I was being an idiot. My
retirement plan was find a man to worry about that crap. So I said to myself
enough- I came up with a plan to pay back all my debt and I started putting at
least what I could get matched in my 401k. I also talked to my Financial
consultant aka my daddy-o for advice.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help- All great CEO’s have advisors/ consultants and
you should too! The more action you take towards something the less stress you’ll
feel towards it. You might hit some bumps along the way – regroup, make a new
plan, and move on. Also, as CEO of your life please be advised that your
personal happiness is a product of your attitude and not any of the following:
a dream man, your goal weight, more money, or chocolate cake with a heap of ice
cream. So what I’m saying is don’t put off your happiness until any of these
are achieved.
#2) Stop being Man-Tarded. (**if you are a man and reading this please insert Woman-tarded)
It’s wonderful to have someone in your life and all of that
stuff- don’t get me wrong. But stop giving so damn much of yourself to someone
who doesn’t give a shit about you. If someone isn’t texting you, calling you,
trying to spend time with you- stop making excuses for them. They aren’t
interested. The End. There’s no amount of busy, work, or anything else that
will stop a guy from seeing you or talking to you if he wants to ß(disclaimer: this
statement has been hubs verified!). Stop
making your life about them –don’t rearrange your schedule when they suddenly
are bored and want to see you. You know what happens when you make someone a
priority in your life and they don’t return the favor? You work harder to make
them like you and the truth is – they never will. Shut that shit down and focus on making you
happy. Stop going after unavailable men, actually or emotionally – it all ends
the same way. They’ll go back to the girlfriend/ wife/ fiancée whatever or
bounce back and forth between you for awhile but you will always be option B. And
if it does work out with you two… pretty soon you’ll be the girlfriend/ wife/ fiancée
and then it’s your turn for insecurity / heartbreak city. You don’t win. The end.
Ok, so let’s say you made some bad
decisions, got screwed over, and are now stalking, semi-stalking, or trying to
be “friends” with this Richard. Put your crazy away and find something
productive to do. Showing up somewhere they are, texting them, doing a drive
by, any of that stuff will only make you feel worse. Not to mention that you
look creepy crazy lady to anyone who gets to witness this. I have never heard
an awesome how they met story that started off… She was out stalking the shit
out of her ex and I found those crazy eyes so alluring. I just had to get some of
that. If you are anything like me and
add tequila to this situation just remember to line up someone to bail your
arse outta jail when things get out of hand.
Remaining friends with these “situations” is tricky. From
what I’ve seen- there is generally underlying motive for said friendship. To
put it bluntly, they don’t really want to be your friend. Then this whole thing
strings out and when you tell them they are in Friendsville you are no longer
friends. Losing friends sucks. If this friendship consists of you babysitting
his kid(s), buying him stuff, paying his bills, or doing favors for him on a
consistence basis here’s a newsflash…he’s not your friend- he’s using you! I have
never seen any cases of this leading to him realizing he can’t live without you
and getting back together either. It usually plays out till you get sick of it
and grow a spine or until he finds the next Ms. Hot Pants and replaces you.
3) Have your own back.
If you follow rule #1 then you are fully
taking charge of your life then this will come naturally. What I mean by this
is that there are people in this world that will stab you in the back every
chance they can. This happened to me a solid 3 times before I finally realized
that I was the common denominator. This is what happens – you meet someone -they
seem nice. You become friends. They realize that you are loyal and give people
the benefit of the doubt, and then they go to work. You get comfortable in your
friendship. Their main goal in life is to get what they want. They don’t see
the world the same way. They will manipulate, use, take advantage of, and lie
their way to making you feel like you are 2 steps away from crazy town. If you
keep these people in your life it will have more drama than an entire season of
Bachelor Pad. Get these people out of your life. I’m telling you from
experience that they won’t stop lying to your face, trying to take your
boyfriend, or jeopardizing your relationships with other people. They will only
continue to be out for themselves and crushing everything that gets in the way. I'm not saying don't have friends. I'm saying evaluate your friendships often and when people screw you over make them earn their place back in your life. If it was an honest mistake it will work out... good old Out For Themselves won't do the work and you'll have your answer. Don't second guess that answer ever- it's the right one regardless of whether or not you like it.
4) Stop comparing yourself to other people.
The only
competition you should have is to make yourself the best that you can be. People
are only showing/ telling you what they want you to see. It’s easy to think
that other people have this perfect life when you only see the best stuff- your
everyday life will never seem adequate. It’s not a competition. Be thankful for
everything that you do have and work for what you want.
This is getting long so I’ll stop for today. Again, this is
just some of what I’ve learned from my life so if your therapist or licensed
professional is saying something
different please disregard any of the
above word vomit. If you feel you need therapy and can't afford a professional, I have a couch and some wine...feel free to hit me up!
Happy Friday and Goooo Cats!
and Badgers for my homies....(until they have to play each other!!)
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